How to Make Friends in Your 20s When You Struggle with Social Anxiety: I’ll Walk You Through the Steps
What you’ll find in this post:
what is social anxiety?
how social anxiety can become a barrier for deep connections
mental health techniques to use
walking you through step-by-step on how to push yourself out of the comfort zone and begin making friends
Do you find yourself in situations where you’re hanging out with a group and feeling like the complete outsider? Literally everyone around you is clicking naturally and forming connections, and you’re likely in your head spiraling. You're not alone!
For many young adults, social anxiety can feel like an invisible barrier, making it difficult to build meaningful relationships in their 20s. This struggle is absolutely real and valid, and it can leave us feeling disconnected and disheartened. The good news: it's possible to break through that barrier and thrive in your social life. Today we’re diving into strategies and tools to help you tackle social anxiety head-on, and hopefully change your social life.
what is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety is an excessive fear of being judged, criticized, or rejected in social situations. This overwhelming anxiety manifests into symptoms such as body shakes, difficulty speaking, a rapid heartbeat, sweating, nausea, and pervasive negative thoughts. These challenges can make social interactions feel damn near impossible, often leading to social avoidance, which in turn makes forming friendships and connections all the more difficult.
Tackling social anxiety and making friends is important for a healthy life and overall well-being. Meaningful relationships not only provide emotional support and companionship, but they also contribute to our mental health; social connections are one of the major forms of self care that all humans need. Forming these strong connections with others can reduce feelings of isolation, improve self-esteem, and enhance our ability to cope with stress and life's challenges.
how Social anxiety can become a barrier to forming deep friendships
Avoiding social interactions: This happens due to fear of rejection and embarrassment
Difficulty with starting conversations: Social anxiety makes it hard to approach others and often leads to missed opportunities for genuine, deep friendships
Struggles with opening up to others: This happens because those struggling tend to be overly cautious in conversation
Overthinking social cues: This happens due to the nature of anxiety leading to a constant overanalyzing of social cues (such as laughter or body language) from others
Understanding how and why social anxiety can impact your ability to connect deeply with new friends is the first step towards overcoming it and building a thriving social life!
Try these Techniques if you’re struggling with Social Anxiety
Before we go over the steps on how to begin forming deeper connections with friends, I want to first share these mental health and therapist-recommended techniques for practicing strong self care along the way. Getting out of your comfort zone, even if you know its safe, your body will react like it isn’t. These self care practices will help you show up more confidently and you’ll feel more “safe” in putting yourself out there because of it!
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is a proven therapy for treating social anxiety — it focuses on identifying, challenging, and then completely changing negative thought patterns that you may not even recognize is there. This will help you develop a healthier mindset when facing social interactions and events and completely change how you show up in the conversation. Having help from a therapist with navigating and creating these impactful plans for overcoming this can be a game changer and help you get to the outcome more effectively. While not everyone can afford this option, it is one that can be helpful! If this option isn’t for you, there are PLENTY of options, so don’t worry!
Mindfulness and meditation
Practicing the both of these can help you cultivate self-awareness and manage anxiety symptoms by allowing you to stay present and grounded in the moment. The more you practice, the better you will become at navigating social interactions with more ease. Try incorporating daily meditation or mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing exercises, 5 minute guided meditations on YouTube, or body scans to help center yourself, especially before showing up at events.
Exposure therapy
This refers to engaging yourself in gradual and controlled exposure to social events to help desensitize you to the fear of judgment and rejection. Start small, like attending a local meetup or engaging in brief conversations with acquaintances. As you gain confidence, gradually increase the complexity of your social interactions in ways that make sense to you. Go at your own pace with this — any step forward is improvement for the better for you.
Building social skills
Showing up in conversations with confidence in your ability to communicate will positively impact your experience. Look for in person or online groups, workshops, and courses that practice building social skills. Some of the strategies you can look into are: effective communication, active listening, and assertiveness. Don't be afraid to practice these skills in low-stress settings, like talking with the barista while youre grabbing coffee or chatting with the neighbor. If this feels like too much, you can also practice talking in front of a mirror or to a camera when no one is around so that you feel completely comfortable.
Putting it All Together: A Step-by-Step Guide to Making Friends in Your 20s
Forming new friendships in your 20s can be challenging and awkward for anyone, but especially when dealing with social anxiety. Use this guide to help you in creating meaningful connections in a way that feels comfortable and manageable for you.
Finding the right environment
Choose somewhere that makes you feel at ease and where you're more likely to encounter like-minded people. Look for places or events that align with your interests, such as hobby clubs, local meetups, or volunteer groups. By surrounding yourself with individuals who share your passions, you'll have a natural starting point for conversations.
It's not uncommon for people, especially those who have been socially isolated, to feel unsure about the type of environments they're comfortable with. Here are some examples and ideas to explore:
Hobby clubs or interest-based groups
Look for local listings, community centers, and Facebook groups to find some local meet-ups. There are local meet-ups for just about everything, but some ideas are painting, writing, board games, D&D, hiking, bike rides, off-roading, etc!
Fitness classes, sports leagues, or gyms
If you're interested in fitness or sports, you can join a local gym/studio or recreational sports league for adults. When it comes to the gym, the easiest way to make friends is through group classes — you can take yoga, pilates, HIIT, bootcamp-style, zumba, etc! These classes are typically free with a gym membership, so you can also explore with training on your own as well and making friends naturally as people see your face more!
Another incredible option that most forget about is that recreational sports leagues have “social” leagues for adults! You can join bowling leagues, kickball leagues, soccer leagues, etc — and all of these leagues are specifically for individuals who are showing up, not knowing what they’re doing either, and just trying to have fun and make friends, and get some endorphins going! You can do a Google search for local social sports leagues in your area.
Volunteering for local organizations or causes
Volunteering for a cause you care about can connect you with like-minded individuals while making a positive impact on your community. Look for local nonprofits, charities, or community organizations that could use a helping hand. Some ideas may be animal shelters, homeless shelters, community clean-ups, local gardens, etc!
Initiating conversations
Initiating conversations can be intimidating, but remember that many people feel nervous about starting a conversation too. Prepare a few icebreakers or conversation starters beforehand, like asking open-ended questions about someone's interests or experiences. And don't forget to listen attentively and show genuine curiosity – this will help others feel comfortable opening up to you.
Conversation starter for a hobby club / group: “How long have you been into [shared interest]?” or “This is my first time here! How long have you been part of the group/club?”
Conversation starter at a gym: "How long have you been coming to this class?" or "What other fitness classes do you go to?"
Conversation starter at a volunteering event: "What motivated you to volunteer for this cause?" or "How long have you been volunteering with this organization?”
When they respond, be sure you’re actively listening. Practicing these interactions beforehand can help you be prepared so that you’re not distracting yourself with what you’re going to say next and, ironically, then completely missing the conversation. Nod and maintain eye contact as they share their experiences and opinions. Show genuine curiosity and ask questions about their experiences. You can also share your own experiences as well!
Building connections through your shared interests
Begin to look for common ground in conversations while at the events, classes, and meet-ups. From there, you can hold yourself accountable to taking the initiative to suggest related activities, like attending a workshop or going to an event together. As you spend more time engaging in shared activities, your connections will naturally grow stronger.
It's natural to feel uncertain and hesitant while attending events or trying new activities, but remember that many people share similar feelings in these situations. Give yourself permission to feel awkward, and don't let it hold you back from initiating conversations and suggesting shared activities.
When you find a shared interest in a conversation, show enthusiasm and empathy by sharing your own experiences or asking about theirs. For example, if you both enjoy hiking, ask about their favorite trails or share your own memorable hiking experiences. This not only provides a safe and relatable topic but also creates an opportunity to bond over common interests.
You could say something like, "I heard about this hiking meetup happening next weekend. Would you be interested in joining me?" or "There's a workshop on photography coming up at the community center. It sounds like something we might both enjoy. Want to check it out together?"
As you spend more time engaging in shared activities, you'll find that your connections grow stronger, and the awkwardness gradually fades away. By remaining empathetic and understanding towards both yourself and others, you'll create an environment where meaningful friendships can blossom.
Turning connections into friendships
Transforming these connections into friends does take time and effort, but as does anything worthwhile. <3 Show your interest in their lives by following up on previous conversations, asking about their well-being, and remembering important details. Don't hesitate to extend invitations to casual hangouts, like grabbing coffee or watching a movie. This will give you both the opportunity to get to know each other better and deepen your connection — and don’t forget that this will feel exciting for them too! People love connecting with other people who understand them.
Maintaining and deepening your friendships
Nurturing your friendships is essential for long-lasting, meaningful connections. Make an effort to stay in touch, even if it's just through text messages or social media. Celebrate your friends' accomplishments, offer support during tough times, and make an effort to understand their feelings and perspectives. As you invest time and energy into your friendships, they will continue to grow and flourish!
Building friendships in your 20s as a social anxious human is a major challenge, but it's very much possible with patience, persistence, and self-compassion. Give yourself credit for each step you take towards creating meaningful connections — and don't hesitate to seek support along the way to overcome specific barriers that you may not recognize are there.
Final Notes
Building friendships in your 20s as a socially anxious human is pretty dang challenging, but its so worth it as you begin to create a fulfilling, happy, and healthy social life. Strong social bonds enrich our lives, provide emotional support, and contribute to our overall well-being so that we can thrive.
As you take steps to confront and overcome your social anxiety, you'll gradually open the door to a more fulfilling social life. Building meaningful relationships and connections might take time and effort, but the rewards are far, far worth it. You’ve got this!
If any of this helped, please come back to let us know in the comments to give feedback for others looking to start this journey too. <3
